Slow dance ... written by a terminally ill teenage girl who has 6 months left to live

SLOW DANCE

Have you ever watched kids

On a merry-go-round?

Or listened to the rain

Slapping on the ground?

Ever followed a butterfly's erratic flight?

Or gazed at the sun into the fading night?

You better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Do you run through each day

On the fly?

When you ask How are you?

Do you hear the reply?

When the day is done

Do you lie in your bed

With the next hundred chores

Running through your head?

You'd better slow down

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

Ever told your child,

We'll do it tomorrow?

And in your haste,

Not see his sorrow?

Ever lost touch,

Let a good friendship die

Cause you never had time

To call and say,"Hi"

You'd better slow down.

Don't dance so fast.

Time is short.

The music won't last.

When you run so fast to get somewhere

You miss half the fun of getting there.

When you worry and hurry through your day,

It is like an unopened gift....

Thrown away.

Life is not a race.

Do take it slower

Hear the music

Before the song is over.

Overwhelmed!

So, our teacher stood up this morning and said "remember at the beginning of the semester I said I would give you 3 ethics exam questions and you could prepare for them and then I would give you two of those 3 questions in the actual exam ... and I would give you those questions roughly 3 weeks before exams? Well, today I am giving you those questions!"

Oh my goodness!! I am just feeling ever so slightly overwhelmed!!

I have a 2000 word essay on pain and anxiety in ICU due today
I have a 2500 word essay on eye care in ICU due on Friday
I am going away for the shortest but craziest roadtrip of all time this weekend
I have a 2500 word essay on organ transplants and the black market due soon after returning
I have a tutorial on hunger strikes in detention centres due a week later
I have a job interveiw (maybe two in that week)
I have 2 EXAMS!
I have a week of clinical at a sexual health clinic that still hasn't been approved
I am going home - need to organise a week of clinical up there too - still waiting on pp to get back to me
I get back and have three weeks of clinical on the cancer ward
I have a week at a HIV clinic - which still needs to be approved
Roughly 5 assignments talking about my clinical experiences
One week before grad
Somewhere in all that there is JAC banquet, grad banquet, visiting mates at Avondale, a beach day, celebrating the end with Yo and Kylie (a gun range visit would be awesome but most likely it will be the movies!) etc.
Then grad will be crazy- gowns, vespers, S.S., church, family, photos, saying goodbye, getting pp to write in my book, President's dinner, grad, pinic lunch ...
And then I will sleep ... before traveling to USA for a month .... which will be fanasitc and I still have to organise/book ... complications due to a wedding I had planned to go to before hand and things are just not working out!! ARGH!!

Basically, there is so much to do ... and i feel I don't have enough time to actually think ... for example about the some interesting questions that would put forward in Ethics this morning:
- is abortion acceptable at any time?
-when does life actually start?
- how is it possible for everyone to have equal access to healthcare when there is no such thing as a "bottomless pit"?
- how do you support a patient who wants to travel overseas to buy an organ off the black market?

Basically, life is crazy and I feel I am only holding on by a thread! :(

There must be something worth living for ...

So, I have the weirdest taste in study music ... yes, I know. But I just thought I would share with you some really really cool lyrics I heard from my War of the World CD ... I do realise that a lot of it won't make sense as it is the story of Martians coming from Mars to earth but I just love what the parson's wife says. Oh, and her voice on the CD is absolutely BEAUTIFUL!!

The Spirit of Man

Nathaniel
Listen, do you hear them drawing near
In their search for the sinners?
Feeding on the power of our fear
And the evil within us?
In carnation of Satan's creation of all that we dread
When the demons arrive those alive will be better off dead

Beth
There must be something worth living for
There must be something worth trying for
Even something worth dying for
And if one man can stand tall
There must be hope for us all
Somewhere, somewhere in the spirit of man

Nathaniel
Once, there was a time when I believed
Without hesitation
That the power of love and truth could conquer all
In the name of salvation
Tell me what kind of weapon is love when it comes to the fight?
And just how much protection is truth against all Satan's might?

Beth
There must be something worth living for
There must be something worth trying for
Even some things worth dying for
And if one man could stand tall
There must be some hope for us all
Somewhere, somewhere in the spirit of man

Beth: People loved you, and trusted you, came to you for help...
Nathaniel: Didn't I warn them this would happen? Be on your guard, I said, for the Evil One never rests... I said exorcise the devil! But no, they wouldn't listen, the demons inside them grew and grew, until Satan gave his signal and destroyed the world we knew!

Beth No Nathaniel, oh no Nathaniel,
No Nathaniel, no, there must be more to life,
There has to be a way that we can
Restore to life the love we used to know
(No,) Nathaniel, no, there must be more to life,
There has to be a way that we can
Restore to life the light that we have lost

Nathaniel
Now darkness has descended on our land
And all your prayers cannot save us
Like fools we've let the devil take command
Of the souls that God gave us
To the altar of evil like lambs to the slaughter were led
When the demons arrive the survivors will envy the dead!

Beth
There must be something worth living for

Nathaniel: No, there is nothing!

Beth
There must be something worth trying for

Nathaniel: I don't believe it's so!

Beth
Even something worth dying for
If just one man could stand tall
There would be some hope for us all,
Somewhere, somewhere in the spirit of man

Nathaniel: Forget about goodness and mercy, they're gone! Didn't I warn them? Pray, I said! Destroy the devil, I said! They wouldn't listen! I could have saved the world! But now it's too late... too late!

Beth
No Nathaniel, oh no Nathaniel,
No Nathaniel, no, there must be more to life,
There has to be a way that we can
Restore to life the love we used to know
(No,) Nathaniel, no, there must be more to life,
There has to be a way that we can
Restore to life the light that we have lost...

... isn't that just great? :D

Throat!

Ok, so when I wasn't looking my throat decided to go skateboarding down a gravel road ... except it didn't actually own a skateboard ... so it just scrapped down a gravel road.

Then it decided to come back home to the place between my head and body ... to which I said it could go to hell ... and it then decided that it was unnatural for a throat to leave the body it has been in its entire life!! What a smart arse!

So, yeah, my throat is being crappy!!

But the cool thing is my voice is so weird. I kept losing it, half whispering, crackling, etc. It is awesome!!

See, I am the sorta chick who doesn't care that the only time in her life that she lost her voice was at her highschool graduation ... she kept talking to everyone (signlanguage for some ... since whispering isn't all that easy to listen to!) because it was her grad and no "lack of voice" was goign to keep her quiet!! :P

Anyway, I hate my sore throat but I love my funky voice ... so I am happy! :D

Oh, by the way, two other things I LOVE: the moives: "4 Brothers" and "Lucky No. Sleven" 4 Brothers is violet (Actually both of them are violet but ...) but Lucky No. Sleven is a mind one! Twists and turns in movies are so bloody good! I loved that movie. It is definiately on the list of movies to get a copy of!! It is a must watch movie!! :D

Anyway, I am just on a quick break at the moment ... I need to go back to the books ... plan is for me to finish 3 assignments before the weekend. Dunno if I can do it but I will try.

Oh, one more thing: I saw the CUTEST thing the other day: A big picture add for Huggies (nappies for babies). And the picture was a mum and bub sleeping. The baby was resting ontop of mum and the mum had her arms wrapped aroudn the baby. Cute, right? Well, what made my heart melt was the comment that with it: "My World Wide HUG!" Oh, so great!! I just love hugs and I thought that was great ... the type of hugs that engolf you and surround you and all you can feel/notice is the care that is being shared in the world wide hug! I love those types of hugs!! (Yes, I do realise that I make a huge deal about hugs but ... I like to!!)

See ya next time,

Your Blue Nurse :D

Today I will NOT die ...

Ok, so I was discussing with Kylie Anne what we would actually do if (refer back to earlier blog post) we knew we would die at the end of the day ...

At first we had no idea ... and then ... thoughts appeared like magic!! :D

Basically, we will have two parts

1) Ring our loved ones and tell them. This will be the hardest part and will eat a lot of time but that's ok because it is the most important part too. :D I would be really hard when it is time to hang up tho ... to know that you will never talk/see that person ever again!! :( So many loved ones - PNG, VIC, QLD, ACT + USA!!! It would be hard!

2) Grab all our siblings and friends and convince them to take the day off work or class or whatever (wag just this once ok? I promise I will never ask this of you again! NEVER AGAIN!!) and go to the beach.

We would spent the entire day at the beach - it would be hard to stay in a good mood, if there was some way of managing that it would be great! We would swim, listen to cool music, read, sunbake (yeah, like getting skin cancer is a problem now!), run!!!, climb rocks, play beach volleyball and rugby, hang out with friends, check out the boys (hee hee! Come on, really, I am going to die remember! Let the girl just enjoy the scenery, ok?), have fun food - tell everyone to bring some food and have a pinic.

And then at night, all pile around a bonfire!! :D Dunno how "Honey if you love me, smile for me" or "Mafia" would go at the beach but ... it would be fun to try! Then we could cook mashmallows, sweet potatos, damper bread and other cool campfire stuff ... I have to admit I am not the world's greatest cook or have the foggiest idea when it comes to campfire stuff but all i want is yum food!! I think we ccan figure it out!! :D And then we can sing cool songs - accarpella or with simple instruments! Any song - camping, church, hip hop, whatever - just SING!!

Oh, and dancing ... I wonder how dancing at the beach would go. :) I suck at dancing but am slowly getting better. I would dance with everyone!! :D

And then, everyone just slowly drift off to sleep ... comfortable with the heat of the fire and the greatness of friends. Knowing all is good with us. :D

This would be the best feeling to have as I drift off into the darkness. :)

I know, I know, it is all a bit disturbing thinking how I would spent my last day ... so I think i will just cut out the bit that I die at the end ... and actually have that day soon!! And just change the ending!! :D

Beach day here we come and life afterwards!! What more could you want? :D

:(

Crap! I'm sick!

Life!

So, I watching Grey's Anatomy today (instead of doing my assignment - I honestly have lost a lot of motivation - this is really really bad!!!) and I was asked a question by the main character:

If you knew you were going to die at the end of today, how would you spent the day?

I don't know. But I thought it was an interesting question.

:D

Food!!!

I am so happy! I have food!!! Yes!! My cupboard was running bare and I was getting to stage where I was eating Kidney Beans for dinner (and yes, that is as digusting as it sounds!). But thank my lucky stars, I got a lift to the shops and I have fresh food!!! Fresh fruit and veges!! Yipee!!

Isn't the life of a student just so WONDERFUL? :D

It's Friday!!!! Yipee!!

Oh, boy! I am so looking forward to the weekend. I just wanna chill. :)

Now, that I have finished work for a while ... I am straight into major assignments.

And lately it seems I have been reading things wrong ... I thought I had two more weeks before an assignment was due ... no way, it is actually a week. And this week we have Festival of Faith and classes from 9 to 4 everyday!!! Man!! It sucks!

Anyway, I will try not to make this a depressing blog like that last one. :)

Oh, I got the sweetest compliment today. I passed a mate (ok, more like a mate of a mate of a mate - have a lot of them here!) and we did the whole polite "hey, how ya doing" thing. And then he asked me how the assignments were going especially the CV stuff for interviews etc. And I just said "Oh, it is just so scary ... this time next year I will be an RN!!!" To which he just said "Hey, but I can picture you as a great RN!" "Oh, thanks" was the reply and we walked away. And that was it! And yes, I have been told that I will make a great RN before (not trying to sound up myself here!). But I dunno ... it always surprises me when pp who I am not particularly close with comment on stuff like that. It is like wow! what did I do to deserve that? I mean, I have never really been extra nice to this guy ... actually, here at the SAN I am a bit of a quiet, polite, stay in my room, snob ... and I don't think pp (except for Yoie and Kylie) really know how to handle me. So, when they actually stay something "out of the ordinary" like a compliment, it always catches me back. It is nice, tho. And I really do appreciate it ... :D

Oh, YES!! I have finished my proposal for my clinical at a sexual health clinic and a HIV clinic. I haven't gotten approval back or anything ... but I have finished it! I am pretty certain I can go to the HIV clinic but am not so sure about the sexual health clinic ... it has been arranged for it to occur pretty soon ... dunno if I can get approval and insurance in time etc. Oh, well, I guess the worst that can happen is I actually volunteer to get the experience and not actually has credit to my course. Anyway, not going to stress till I know ... and it is far too complicated for my tired poor mind to explain properly at the moment Sorry. :(

Oh, I finished reading Roll of Thunder Hear my Cry again. That book always always get to me. It is so sad but so bloody good. I love it!!! I struggle to understand how pp can tend others so differently based on the colour of their skin. I guess I am lucky in a way that I am white (as I don't get discriminated against) but it also means I can't fully relate to those who do get discriminated against. What does it matter if someone is black, white, purple or pink? Stop focusing on that ... look more on what you can learn from that person and they you! Different cultures are cool! They teach you so much more about the people around you and about yourself!

Anyway, expect me to get on a highhorse about this in the next little while. I am reading a book called The Poisonwood Bible ... about missionaries from 1920s (?) that go to the Congo to teach "the tribes of Ham" the "Word of God". I was given this book as a birthday present (yep, still haven't gotten around to reading it!!). It is interesting but I am only a couple of chapters in. One thing I do like is the style of the book ... each chapter is a different person (either the mother or one of the four daughters) who describe how their "fire and brimstone Baptist preacher" father believe it is his calling to "save" these "strange African tribes". One of the girls has only half a brain ... due to loss of blood that was taken by her twin while they were in the womb. Anyway, everyone basically ignores her and doesn't think she is that great. But she is awesome. She has trouble talking so pp think she is dumb but inside her head (which the reader gets to see because she is narratoring) she thinks of things and is really smart ... maths, poetry etc. It is awesome!! Anyway ... the book is interesting is all I can say.

Oh, I watched "American Beauty" the other night. Oh, that movie gets me everytime as well. I love Kevin Spacy!! What an awesome actor!! I liked some of the camera work as well ... repeating a 5 secs camera shoot a couple of times really does bulid the suspence (if that is right word to describe it) or to make the viewer pay closer attention to the camera shoot. And just thinking about the story line ... (hope i won't be ruining it for anyone!) ... a middle aged man is "sedated" about life and he get woken up ... by a sexy girlfriend of his teenage daughter (yeah, I know that does sound disgusting and it is but as the movie goes along it actually does get better). What I thought was interesting is: SEX (or the idea of sex etc.) was strong enough to wake someone up who is numb to life. Does that mean that sex and the idea of sex and the attractiveness we have towards something that is sexy etc. is our strongest desire ... or the desire that is most easily aroused ... or it is something that we long for ... or what? Sex is powerful ... it explains why it sells so well. But the concept that sex could wake someone to life again is cool ... esp. the fact that when he wakes up to life, he realises there is more to life than just sex. It would be extremely sad if he thought that sex was it! Anyway, I love that movie.

Something else that got me thinking was how pp say that when you die your life flashes before your eyes ... and you see the highlights (I guess). I just got thinking if I could flash great moments from my life what would they be (not that I am plannin on dying anytime soon but you know what i mean ...)

And here is a list just off the cuff:
- Dusty, our dog at Sonoma
- the school playing ground in NZ
- takeaway chips wrapped in newspaper
- going down to the river when it was the dry season and there was a drought and filling big drums with water to take home to use as washing water, use to wash our clothes and flush the toilet - also washing in the river - the little kids from the local village would come down too and pull at my hair which would float on the water - it amazed them ... sometimes I loved the attention ... other times I hated it ... either way there wasn't much I could do about it!!
- pictures of all my awesome friends - PNG, Mel, Sydney, Avondale, family
- laying on my back under the Sharona Tree
- falling asleep in the car
- curling up in a chair with hot milo and either a good book or having a good chat with my mum
- going on long walks with my dad around the campus or across Sydney
- second hand bookshops
- cooked "Fat Finger" bananas when thou I knew I would need the toilet a lot afterwards!!! :D
- Kau Kau (pronouced Cow Cow) (sweet potato) cooked in the Mu Mu (pronounced Moo Moo) (like an underground oven or as New Zealanders would cook it - a Honey)
- pumkin pie
- Kristin's cookies
- my eggplant car
- my brother's wedding - and the weeks and fun that happened before, during and after it!
- hugs from great pp: Mum, Dad, Chris, Bonnie, Brandon, Kylie Anne, Kristin, Katrina, Nan, Becky, Grandma, Rin, Simon, Eli, Michael, Mama J, Miriam, Donny, Bruce and so many more
- my nieces and nephrews!!! :D
- cool bricks on a hot day
- learning how to husk a coconut (not very good, I might add)
- Yr 12 Formal, Dinner, and Grad - dressin up, Ollie, crying, losing my voice, yr books, getting compliments from classmates
- Lilydale Church and Sabbath School
- Yr 10 play - was the back up for the main part but didn't get to do it on the night! :(
- hiking trips - "This Mars Bar looks so good in this light" and other random fun stuff
- singing with Miss Woods
- kissing the ground at Cairns airport when I moved back to Oz
- my first mini rollar coaster experience ... at Universal Studios in USA!!
- going with Dad and Chris up to the dangerous Highlands to check up on his students on prac ... getting sunburnt in the tray of a ute, almost getting attacked, having bars over all the windows of the car, seeing the hugest pig in the market, going to the market (what where we thinking - so bloody dangerous!!)
- crossing three rivers to visit the Adventist Highschool .. and only one of htem had a bridge (PNG again)
- eating pasta with my family - laughing so hard we (ok, I mean me ... they gang up on me!) have to run to the kitchen sink or else what is in my mouth will soon be on the table!! :D
- going on a roadtrip with Bon and Brandon to the Great Ocean Road - screaming at the beach, listening to trance music, losing the car ????, trusting Jesus
- going on a trip with Brandon around the east coast of Australia - "I am having so much fun .. I just wanna push you in!" :D
- talking on the phone for ages to random pp - Katrina, Brandon, Perry, James, Bonnie, Jess, Becky, Mike, Daniel, and other cool pp.
- giving and receiving compliments from close and not so close pp
- my first real public transport bus trip by myself
- Miriam - cooking with her, cleaning with her, shopping with her, hanging with her, having a friend in her
- going to Philip Island and seeing little penguins
- ringing up the guy that I have liked for the previous year and asking him to be my date for a banquet ... even tho we had only met once and he didn't really know who I was
!!!! (it was a long time ago but what an adrenline rush!)
- seeing a brain
- Watson Foyer - flirting, eating, hanging out, promising Daniel I. hot sex for favours :D
- The blue nurses and toy boys
- Kylie Anne - putting up with my obsessions, random requests for hugs, and being so cool
- random pts who speak highly of me
- the beautiful sunsets in PNG
- refugees staying at our house when a couple of vocanoes went off and destroyed the town - they come in truckloads and we converted the library into a hospital, and classrooms into houses, and had roughly 7 different worship services for the major religions that were there. We ate rice for almost three months straight. We hunted in the bush land for more root veges, coconuts and greens. A huge scary looking man with dreadlocks come to stay with his family, with us, and he spoke no English and only grunted ... bit scary but he was the sweetie man who looked after Chris and I like we were his own. It was great for a 11 yr old kid! :D
- Going to school with my grandpa on his scooter - I thought I was so cool!!
- thunderstorms
- walking up and down Lilydale Rd with Bec - some really cool discussions occured
- writing skits for Lilydale Sabbath School
- eating in the library
- bus rally into the city and eating lemon ice cream
- playing Fight
- dancing - in my room, in the girls dorm at Sonoma, with Miriam, with Chris and Kristin, with friends from Avondale and at the wedding
- catching Kristin's flowers and all the fun that surrounded :D
- getting my hair dyed black
- staying in nursing
- Sabbath
- my old cell group at Lilydale :( I miss it so much
- wrestling with Chris ... even tho he always wins!!!
- The Bold and the Prayerful ... one of my earliest memories of really feeling the Holy Spirit move
- running across the oval at LAA and looking out over the view
- Lilydale lake
- the Mission Hostel
- staying up all night with Dieter and Brandon: taking fucky photos, sitting with a "rat" on the swinging bridge, staying up for the sunrise, "getting married"
- staying up all night with Becky and Michael: watching cool short film clips, watching COUPLING (the greatest TV show ever!!!), being able to be in a conversation and then just roll over and know exactly where the show is up to - I think it is a true sign of me watching it far TOO much, just chilling :D
- visiting Avondale on weekends
- visting homes ... they are so cool ... I miss them while in dorm
- ice-cream on a hot day
- running along the beach
- spending hours in front of computer writing blogs!!!

I think I could go on for a while ... making them to be a bit more than just flashes from the past!! Oh, well, I should stop ... my fingers are getting tired from typing and my butt is sore from sitting. :p

Hope this blog wasn't too depressing. :D Have an awesome Sabbath!!! :D

That's it ...

Well, I have had enough!! I am not mad ... I am tired and just fed up.

I have had enough of so many things.

I have had enough of:

1)Work ... it has been good and interesting and different and I am learning more and more to appreciate the profession I am entering into but I am sick of:
Dodgy rude a##hole doctors, nurses who make you feel like a cockroach about to be stepped on, patients who rip your head off because you just don't know what time their surgery will be, and of not knowing enough - I should know more! I am scared of all the responsiblity that I will HAVE to take on when I grad!

2)Dorm life ... I figured out the other day that between Chris, Kristin, and myself there is over 20 yrs that have been spent in dorms! Granted I have not had the most time in the dorms but I am the only one who hasn't left yet!! And I want to ... my personal experience is 6.5yrs in different dorms!!! I am sick of the lack of privacy, the sharing of things like the computer room or the TV room, I am sick of the shared bathrooms and vaccum cleaner (which is ALWAYS away being used or fixed), I am sick of pp talking on the phone while they are in the computer room, I am sick of pp baking wonderful smelling things which make your mouth water yet you can't actually have any, I am sick of having to carry all my thigns to the bathroom everytime I want to have a shower/bath, I am just sick of it. What is incredible is that I have been given two opportunities to move out and I haven't taken either one!!!! I don't have a licence, a car or the money to rent a place within safe walking distance of the hospital!!! BUt when I do ... I am gone!!!

3) Not enough food in my cupboard ... that is my own fault ... too much work and too tired to be bothered. I have finally finished all the great food left over from the wedding!! :D

4) Assignments ... not that I have started any but I have so many coming up soon ... anxiety in ICU, assessing certain procedures, ehtics essay, getting my proposal in for my clinical elective, organising clinical in PNG, and then exams, and three interviews (I was suppose to only have two but the silly hospital thinks they will be making less work for themselves if they do a phone interview (in their words "to check out our English" - what the hell does that mean?) and an actual face-to-face interview. And the interveiws are int he week of and the week after our exams!!!

5) Not socialising ... I crave to be back on my holiday ... with the biggest stress was the social dynamics of everyone surrounding the wedding ... family, friends, extended family, strangers who are becoming friends etc. I crave to be back on my roadtrip down and up the Australian East Coast. To just go into the city and take photos and to walk and to shop and to socialise. I think i just need to go and see my friends at Avondale. I miss them too. :(

6) My computer not working ... I mean Word and everything works fine but my sound has gone and my mouse won't work anymore. I am hoping it is just having a mood (like me) and will get over it soon enough. Enough things to think about already without adding a silly computer to them.

7) Obsessing .. of things that I can't get out of my head. Of silly mistakes I made at work or out of work. Of mulling things over and over and over and over. ARGH!!! So crap! I hate over analysing everything from every angle. :(

8) Being sick of things ... I know I am just tired. I will be fine. Sabbath is coming up soon and I will get to sleep and relax and hang out with great friends. I just need to recover from bad shifts, shift work, and stress. :) I just need to pamper myself a bit :D I just need to look after myself a bit ... which is why I am no longer doing shifts this weekend ... I would not cope. I mean, I almost starting crying the other night when I had to restrain a 7yr old boy who had been sedated and was having a lumbar puncture. I had to hold his shoulder and his arms down while he was crying out in pain and fighting against me. To fight against my patient who is in pain is such a hard thing for me to do. I knew that if I started crying, the mother would start and basically the last thing the Dr needs is a bunch of pp crying while he does an extremely dangerous procedure. But to be that close to tears really told me that I needed to just relax. Stop working and just relax. So I am.

Sorry that I just vented ... I didn't actually plan for all that to come out. I do feel better, tho. :D Thanks for listening. Much appreciated just being able to let it all out. :) I think i will go listen to nice relaxing music, get a good book, grab some chocolate and water and chill. :D I need it. :D

Hope you are doing well. And life isn't too stressful for you. :) Bye

So bloody tired!!

Man, oh, man!! ARGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (x10!)

I am so bloody buggered!!! (and not in a good way!)

Ok, I have this week off from clinical so I put down that I could work tons of shifts at the roster office ... not actually believing I would get every shift I put down for. Well, so far, I have!!!

Saturday afternoon I did a 6hr PM shift - crazy; Oncology so it was heavy work and sad and just insanely busy!
Sunday morning I did a 6hr AM shift - hadn't really recovered from the night before and this shift was so crazy. It was on Orthopedics (bones and stuff) and I had 5 patients all to myself - any idea how bloody scary that can be when you are not expecting it?! I had to do a number of dressings - which has the whole complicated sterile technique and I always freak out that I will contaminate my sterile field etc. It was just crazy stuff!
And then today I did a double shift!!! Never again!! (Ok, I do realise I am lying but WOW!! It was crazy). I was on the gastrointestinal ward (just think poo!) - 6hrs for each shift with a quick hr nap inbetween. This morning was so crazy - I had 5 patients and one of them had a fall and had to be sent to Radiology because we thought it may have been a fractured hip!! WOW!! And a lady who had MRSA (basically it is this bug which kinda means you have to glove and gown everytime you go in and see them) kept ringing her buzzer!!! Like all the bloody time!!! And I got confused and thought she was being discharged when she wasn't!!! And so she got all confused and anxious and teary because she thought everyone was lying to her (Yes, she is elderly but my goodness, Shaz, if only you had checked this out first!!) Argh!!! Anyway, I had the same patients in my afternoon shift ... except her ... actually I had 6 patients this time!! And it looked like it was going to be a lighter everning shift. Well, we were wrong. Another patient had a cardiac arrest and it was chaos!!! I was very interested but I knew that everyone else was better trained to deal with it (and there were like 10 pp in there at once!!) so another student and I just keep an eye on the rest of the ward. Of course, at that time, three patients came back from theatre!!! Handovers, room changes, extra unexpected patients, let's just say it was CRAZY!!! So, yeah, everyone ended up running late all night. :(
But it is over!!

I don't have to work again till tomorow at noon!!! Doing a 8hr shift but it is more normal hours (12 to 8) in Day Surgery. Haven't worked in Day Surgery yet ... could be in for a crazy shift yet again!!

But just think ... I got a free meal!! When pp do doubles, they get a free meal ticket for the cafe for $10!!! I am happy! Not that I think I will do a double for a long time!

But just think ... experience. I am getting more confident in my interactions with patients, the reading of med charts, the setting up of IV and getting air out of the line (had a bit of a learning experience with that tonight - stressful but fun!), being assertive with staff, doing dressings well, and getting better time management. :D Yeah, there definiately is a plus side to working so much.

But just think ... money, money, money. Saturday and Sunday are good pay and afternoon shifts pay well too.

Yeah, actually, it wasn't all that bad. So, yeah, am bloody tired but am happy. :D

Hope you are looking after yourself and staying out of trouble :D

How much do your keys tell about you?

Ok, so I was just thinking about my keys (yeah, do it all the time ... it is so cool ... u should try it sometime! lol!) and I was thinking that they actually tell a lot about someone. Let me show you:

On my set of keys:
1) (And no, this is not in any particular order!)
A name tag - with my photo (you know what i look like - glasses, blonde, teeth - in a nutshell!), my job (what I do - assistant in nursing), my name (Sharona Thiele), the name of the hospital I work in (SAN), and on the back of it is a security swipe (for random but cool things throughout the hospital like staff rooms, kitchettes on the ward, etc.) and my library access sticker (as i am a member due to being a student at the SAN School of Nursing - ok, the second half you may not have picked up from the tag)
2)A key tag for the Australian Red Cross Blood Service Donor in the shape of Australia and it has A+ on the back (so, you even know what my blood type is!!)
3)A tag (didn't realise I had so many tags) for the United Nations High Commission for Reguees (UNHCR) The UN Refugee Agency Emergency Response Team in the shape of a circle. I think these guys are awesome and one day I would love to work with them - helping people who have lost EVERYTHING would be so rewarding!! Ok, so, you wouldn't pick up half of that from just looking at my keys but you would pick up some of it! :D
4) A tag (another one!!) that says "I'm very flexible I can put both feet in my mouth" And I guess from just looking at that you can tell that I tend you dig holes but I can laugh at myself (to a certain extend, I admit!)
5) A clip (ok, I honestly have no idea what you call it!). It clips onto your clothes and you can pull your keys out to swap the security card and they will spring back after you have finished using your keys. It has the SAN logo on it and I guess it doesn't really tell you much more information except reassure you that I do actually work at the SAN. I guess if you want to overanalyse you could say that because I have so many keys and the clip thing doesn't actually work due to the weight of all the keys - this is symbolic of me overloading myself with too much but thinking that I can do but really I can't. But I think that is just coincidence!! :D
6) A mini ruler and pencil. You can't tell anything from this. U can assume that it is of sentimental worth and that i am a sentimental person ... and that assumption would be correct! :D I was given this in my final year of highschool by my houseparents along with other notes and "Keep going, the end is near, keep breathing" stuff. It was very sweet!
7)Some string - there used to be a mini pen attached to it with the SAN logo on it but it broke and I have been too lazy to remove it. I guess you could assume that I can be lazy and that would be a correct assumption again! :D
8)A purple key - I have the key to a mate's flat but you wouldn't know that unless I told you. You could assume I like the colour purple and that would be correct but it actually has nothing to do with the key ... as my mate gave it to me and I didn't pick out the colour or anything!
9)A silver key - with a number on it - it actually is my room key but u wouldn't know that unless I told you yet again! But you could easily assume that I live somewhere and that would be CORRECT!!!
10)Three other silver keys - all different shapes and sizes. You can assume nothing really from them except they allow me access to somewhere. They actually are my Resident Assistant keys.

See, wow! Look at how much my set of keys just told you!! Impressive, huh?

So, how much do your keys tell about you?

:D

I am not really a romantic... no, truly, I'm not!

"I have learned that people will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but they will never forget how You made Them feel." Maya Angelou

I pride myself on being single and independent. I pride myself on not NEEDING someone (wanting is a totally different thing!), on not being co-dependent or not being TOO clingy (I cringe that I actually have been! So bloody annoying!!). I pride myself on being so free.

(I know, I know, it does sound like I don't like romantic and intimate relationships - that is not true! I just pride myself on not NEEDING THEM - I do actually want them - BIG DIFFERENCE!! I can live quite happily without being in an intimate and romantic relationship - it is that which I am so proud of!)

Anyway, enough of my pride!

When I allow myself, I can become very romantic (And yes, I know this does sound strange since I am single - what I mean is, I can appreciate the romance of the situation without actually being in the relationship ... anyway, I am going to stop explaining myself!).

Tonight I saw something that I just thought was so romantic.

I had a shift on Level 6 (Oncology - Cancer). It was an evening shift. It was just a bit crazy but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be since I haven't worked for like, three months!! :D

ANyway, we had this man who is dying of cancer. And his wife is so diligent. And I mean, diligent!! Sometimes she can be demanding and fussy about his care which can be hard for your time management side of nursing but... she was a really nice lady. She had the whole room set up the way they both like it ... had a mini CD player where they played their favourite hymns and low lights and just a really nice atmosphere.

He is having radiotherapy for his cancer ... which has actually affected his bowels ... so, he went like 6 times in the one shift!!! Dude!! That is like, once an hour!!! :(

But that aside, I was just so amazed by the wife; sitting there by his side, holding his hand, stroking his forehead, whispering sweet nothings in his ear ... all the while ... the patient is actually really out of it ... has no idea who anyone is or where he is .... the only thing he knows is:

1) He is in pain
2) He keeps opening his bowels AND
3) His wife is still by his side ... so many years from when they first meet

I know, it may not sound like much and maybe i got swept away by the moment but I just got all romantic. Even the wardsman who was helping me commented to the wife how he would love to have someone as dedicated as her when he was their age. And when he said that, I could safely say that anyone who came in contact with this couple felt the same way!! I heard one of the other nurses actually took a photo of this couple sitting together on the bed on her phone camera!! :D

I don't know ... I just thought the whole thing was just sweet.

So, I do pride on not needing an intimate and romantic relationship ... but man, do I appreciate what dedication, loyalty, love, care, and best friendship can give someone!

P.S. You can actually get all those above mentioned things without being in a romantic "going out" relationship ... which is great! :D

Happy!

Ok, something is up. Something is strange! Something is weird and wanky!

I am happy. :D I mean the bubbling, full of joy, overflowing, got to share with everyone happy.

And for the life of me, I don't know why!

I have not done anything super exciting today - lectures on Central Lines (they go straight into your jagular!!), learnt how to sew the skin, did an assessment on IV meds (which I passed!!), and yeah! That was it!

I haven't really hung out with tons of pp or done super amazingly out there things. I haven't found the cure for cancer or the war on terror! I haven't done anything totally FANASTIC!!

But I just feel like putting on cool music and singing

So, that's what I am going to go do.

Excuse me :p

I love sewing through skin!!

Ok, I have to admit ... I actually haven't sewn through skin. I sewed through foam. :(

But it was still cool ... we used a curved needle with nylon, forceps and twisters.
Pretty funky stuff. It can be a bit hard to get used to ... have u ever tried tying knots with forceps? It isn't easy!!

But I loved it!! It was so much fun!!

I can't wait to try on a real person!!! :D

(Just don't have an accident that requires stitches anytime soon, ok?)

:D

So sad!

I just heard about London ... that's so sad. In case you didn't know, Heathrow airport has basically closed down temporarily due to security finding bombs on 20 different passenger planes. They have arrested roughly 20 pp over it. Scary!

It is sad ... I mean, it would have been a lot sadder if the bombs hadn't been caught ... but it is just sad that all this is happening.

There must be logic behind it ... that I am a strong believer in. But what it is, I don't know.

I know many Americans wouldn't appreciate this comment but in some ways I can understand why USA isn't liked ... but London isn't America. London, and the rest of Europe do realise there is a world outside them and they seem to be very multi-cultural to me (of course, I live in Australia - the workings of London are well, on the other side of the world so yeah, I admit to being ignorant but I am just stating how things appear to me - don't take it as fact, pls!)

So, why bomb London?

Is it a backdoor into USA? Many flights go from London to USA ... is it a method of scaring USA and the rest of the world by using a backdoor?

Who knows?

I just hope:
- that people would stop with the whole bomb thing - the fashion just isn't cool, ok?
- that people don't live in constant fear - the fear of what could happen (but what may not actually happen)
- that this doesn't allow for more abuse of people ... you know ... the ones who disappear (like something out of George Orwell's "1984"), the ones who are Below the Radar, the ones that the CIA sneak onto planes and remove from public eye and abuse and torture ... because the person COULD be a threat but there actually is no evidence

(And yes, I do realise the CIA isn't from London! But what if London follows in USA/CIA's footsteps? I pray to God that doesn't happen!)

I just hope for World Peace
For both the ignorant and the angry
For both the comfortable and the ignored
For both the scared and the fighter
For everyone

I love nursing but...

I really love nursing. I love the interaction with people (both patients and staff). I love the surgery (blood, guts, yeah!!). I love learning about the body and how it functions or reacts to meds etc. I really love nursing. It has taken me about two years to say this but I do. :D

There are still sides of nursing I struggle with. I don't love it 100%ly. I can handle most things ... bowel movements, blood, wounds, etc. but I have discovered that I struggle to handle anything that comes from the mouth e.g. blood or sputum gushing from the mouth (a patient lost about 2L of blood the other day and it all came out his mouth!! Thank goodness I didn't see that one!) and I can't handle anything that causes the patient pain (thus I struggled with the Burns unit last year - I can remember the patients screaming and swearing as we tried to wash her - you could hear throughout the entire ward! Poor thing!).

Anyway, the reason why I am telling you all this is well, I had to assist with stuff tonight at ICU that I didn't enjoy. Not one bit. It was minor but major at the same time.

We had to put a Catheter in a female patient. Now, straight off being a female patient makes it easier. If it was a male patient, we would have had to held the gentleman's penis for a minute or two for the local anesthetic to take affect. Now, I don't have to tell you that it can be hard to discuss the weather or whatever when you are holding the man's penis!!! So, yes, good we have a female.

Another good thing is the lady just had surgery so she is still out of it .. the genal anesthetic is wearing off so she is kicking and her arm is flairing out a fair bit ... so really, it isn't such a good thing.

Basically a RN and i had to hold the lady's legs apart while the other RN put the catheter in. I understand it and I can see why we had to do but I really honestly struggled with it. Since the lady was kicking out and stuff, it felt like the patient didn't want the catheter. Now, realistically, the patient is so out of it she wouldn't have known.

I just didn't like the idea of having to force the patient to open her legs and then while we are in the middle of the procedure, two male doctors walked in!!!

I understand it all. The patient didn't know ... but I knew. And it just causes me to feel uneasy. :(

So, yeah. I love nursing but I have discovered that I just can't handle everything that nursing involves.

Thanks for letting me vent. Hope I didn't gross anyone out too much.

And yes, in case you aren't a nurse (student), appreciate the fact you don't have to hold a lady's legs open as part of your job!!!

But I did get to see a brain!!! :D Still on a high from that!! :D

I saw a brain!!!

Dude!!

What an adventure!! I have been in theatre for the past two days for clinical and both days have ROCKED!!! :D

Today I was in an ENT surgery - that's ear, nose, throat theatre.

Basically, it wasn't overly exciting but it was still really really cool ... the dr was poking around up inside the guy's nose and cleaning out the sinuses etc. I had a great time. Everyone was so friendly, laughing, cracking jokes and just being crazy with each other which still be really serious about the care of the patient. Man, I want to be in a team like that. I have never been overly keen to work in theatre but I reckon I could do it if I got in on a great team like that!

So, I am having a great time and then, the dr starts pointing out where everything is on the inside - that's the eye and we are up in the nose canal etc. And that white stuff is the brain!!! DUDE!!

I SAW A BRAIN IN A LIVING PERSON!!! IT WAS SO COOL!!! :D

How many people can boast about that? :D

How do I describe what I just saw?

Well, today I was in theatre and it was cool! Actually, it was really really cold! But apart from the temperature I enjoyed it tons! :D

Now, I was in the Plastics theatre and saw a face lift and a tummy tuck. Basically, I love anything that is blood and guts. I enjoy the cutting and the sucturing. I am strange, I know. I may do some theatre work one day but I love the interaction of the patients so much that most likely not! Anyway, waht I saw is so hard to describe!

Basicaly, the lady was having a post baby tummy tuck. So, all taht is really involved is the pulling down of the skin and stretching it and then sewing, right? WRONG!! What about the belly button?

What the drs did was cut the skin and the fat layer from the rest of the body - roughly half a circle and pulled back the skin. But before they pulled the skin back too far they cut around the belly button. Just disconnected the belly button from the skin and fat layers - it was still attached through nerves etc. And they they pulled the skin back and the belly button was actually inside - under the skin and fat layers!! DUDE!! :D

Anyway, they pulled the skin down, stretched it, cut it and went to stitch it. But before they could do the real stitching they had to cut a hole and pull the belly button through and stitch that up!!!! DUDE!! Then they did stitching and sucturing blood before finishing up!!!

My goodness!! It was an adventure and YES!! We have free pizza tonight and I am straving!! Something about tummy tucks just gets me hungry!!! :D

Enjoy!!

Employment!!!

Well, i have spent the last couple of days working on my CV/resume/cover letter stuff and well, I am just a bit scared! It is all coming up ... so quick! It is unbelievable ... this time next year I will be a RN!!! Well, at least, I hope to be a RN!!!

(Shaz tells herself: Must not fail, must not fail!!)

I have enjoyed doing all this work stuff but the fact that I am starting to ACTUALLY apply to NEW GRADUATE POSITIONS etc. is just a bit overwhelming!!! :(

Ok, well, I need to go and prepare for clinical in theatre - just thought I would tell ya - I am feeling overwhelmed!! :D

Bye!

"My Sharona" ROCKS!!!

Dude!!! Woohoo!!! :D lol! YES!!! WOW!!! :D (ok, how many times can I show you that I am really really excited at the moment?)

Well, I have had a pretty boring w/e and nothing really exciting has happened to me recently ... apart from the last five minutes!!! :D

Ok, I was watching 20 to 01 and it was all about Australia's top 20 one hit wonders. I don't normally watch this show but I was getting to see music videos so it was ok. The thought pasted my mind that "My Sharona" would get played ... I mean, everyone knows the song but who sung it again? :)

But as the numbers counted down and got to 2 I figured it just wasn't to be.

So, I got the shock of my life when "My Sharona" was number 1!!!!! :D
I banged on the wall to get Kylie Anne's attention and I was so excited! I have never seen the video clip so it was so cool to actually see it!! Some of the comments people said were "My Sharona reminds me of under age clubbing" and "The Knack were big ... well, My Sharona was, they could have been the next Beatles!!"

I am just so proud of that song!!

I know, it sounds sad and kinda lame but I am so glad my name is Sharona!!! :D

And, yes, I am making more out of this then there is but I did tell you that I had a boring weekend!! :D

Bye! :D

Hi everyone!!

Oh my bloody goodness!!! I finally decide that it has been far too long since I posted (Feb actually!) and then tblog decides to muck up on me!!! So, that's it - I am posting on blogger instead!! :D

Well, it has been so long since I posted and so many things have happened it isn't funny!! :)

I will try and summarise EVERYTHING!!

- I turned 21!!! I had an awesome birthday - except of course that there was a bit of a car accident and we ended up spending 5hrs at the SAN ER but apart from all that stress etc. I had a great w/e!!
- Chris and Kris got married!!! It was so cool! I will post great pictures (and yes, I am going crazy wiht all the photos!!) I was stressed a lot (and it wasn't even my wedding) but it was so much fun. And there was so many people around. Kris' family came out for two weeks holiday before the wedding along with Jen (the other bridesmaid) and Brandon. And Ben Anderson flew over from NZ and mates from Brisbane and Melbourne and just everywhere awesome pp came from. It was cool having my family down and even my Grandma from QLD was able to fly down for the wedding!! It was stressful but so many great memories from when they were all here!! I loved it!!
- I went on a week long roadtrip with Brandon to Melbourne and Brisbane - so much fun. I thought I might start to drive him crazy and no matter how hard I tried, it didn't seem to work!! :D We went to the Great Ocean Road (that was so awesome!!), Glass House Mts, Lilydale church, Sizzlers, Brisbane Museum, Southbank, Kangaroo Pt for awesome OUTDOOR ROCKCLIMBING AT NIGHT (so cool!!) and managed to catch up with all our friends and family along the way!! So much fun!!
- Basicaly i know there was cool stuff that happened to me b4 the craziness of the wedding etc. but I can't seem to think of any of it right now except that I had an awesome birthday ... but some cool dudes said that I didn't actually ahve to write about stuff that happened to me ... I could just write random stuff ... so, here's to you, Adele and Jesus!! :D

Random stuff of late:
- I saw the coolest book on Mullets the other day - it went into detail about the history of mullets, the 10 worse crimes committed to mullets etc. etc. It was great!
- Also saw a cool book on Air Guitar - all the right positions, hand gestures, facial expressions - it reminded me of Taylor so much!!
- Found out some funky names from the rock climbing wall at Kangaroo Pt - like "Be a Robot for Jesus", "Rape at a church", "Quickie before dinner" strange stuff!
- I have gone straight from socialising tons to none at all and I feel like I have gone cold turkey with socialising! I am tired, restless, moody, hard to please, clingy (YUCKO), needy (YUCKO AGAIN!!) and just weird!! I miss my friends!! I do get to see them in five months or something which is really soon but I am just being strange due to COLD TURKEY!! :p
- I made scrambled eggs today and not one of them was bad (I thought of you, Brandon!) :D

Anyway, I POSTED!! :D And don't worry, i will post again .. and I won't wait something like six months before posting again .. maybe five!! :P

Bye!

Shaz!