Life sucks!
I really want to write a nice blog about butterflies, rainbows, friends, the magic of Christmas, picking flowers, climbing trees, long walks, the wonder of cartoons & all the wonderful things that amaze us when I was little!
But, unfortuately, life is moving along so fast that I have to just try to keep up. And since most of my close friends are not actually near me for me to rant about my day, this blog is my only outlet ... so, as you can guess ... I had a shitty day!
The past two days I have had afternoon shifts on my level ... all my 5 shifts of orientation were in the morning & I had a RN to ask if I had trouble ... now, I have a full patient load (5), it's in the evening, I have no RN to ask & I have just got back from a 4 day w/e ... enough time to forget everything I learnt in orientation! Yep, I am barely keeping up.
Last night wasn't too bad ... I had a pretty heavy load ... only had 4 pts but 3 of them were heavy needing PAC (pressure area care) throughout the shift ... throw in that I don't know the afternoon staff that well & I had forgotten what I had learnt the week prior re: IVs etc. it was a bit of a rollarcoaster of a shift ... but I did get out just on 10:30pm ...(the time my shift finished!) This I had to be thankful for!
And then I got this feeling of false security b/c I started to think that this shift this afternoon would be better ... I would get my timing better & be able to do handover sooner & I know these patients etc.
HELL NO!!!
Instead of 5, I got 7 new ones!!! Let's just say, I HATED THIS SHIFT!!!! WITH A HUGE PASSION!!! Swearing under my breath for most of it, actually!
Oh, the patients were lovely ... isn't it always the way? ... the staff could go to hell & I would not miss them, would sent a reference to Satan & would throw a party to celebrate!! :D Complete with a thankyou card to Satan!
1) In handover the teamleader (a rough, tough woman) would stop the handover tape every 5 mins or so & make fun of the efforts of my fellow New Grads handover recording from the morning shift (yes, I am the only New Grad on in the afternoon ... & yes, I was incredibly pissed at her for doing this)
2) Then we lost a nurse so I got 7 pts! But thankfully, we got an assistant ... one I knew ... but I did have to share her with the rest of the ward (total of 33 patients) so yeah, it was nice to have a friend but really, everyone else's patients were much heavier than mine so yep, she did feel bad for not being able to help me much but in the end, she did help (emotionally) more than anyone else ... and that I am so thankful for.
3) Then when I went on my tea break, one of my patients was randomly transferred to another level ... the team leader had no idea why but she was in charge of them while I was gone ... but of course, I had to run up & give a handover & do his notes!!!
4) Then I had a discharge ... I was told that everything was ready for her to go ... but I was so crazy trying to figure out everything ... I hadn't actually worked out if all her paperwork had been done etc. A few heartstopping moments there when the transport came to take her away! :p But at least, I was down to 5 pts!
5) When I was at tea, the teamleader did my meds ... when she told me about them ... she told me that it would never happen again ... & it can be tough being a New Grad but save the tears for after the shift. That statement alone almost brought me close to tears when prior to that, I had been fine ... apart from the occasional swearing internally.
6) A Dr came & asked me to help him do a BSL (Blood Sugar Level) on a patient ... I thought, even tho he isn't my patient ... the other nurse is busy and nurse has helped me out so much, the least I can do is do this BSL (they normaly take 2 secs) ... well, of course, this pt's skin was so tough, it took 3 times ... and the pt had MRSA (Multi-Resistant Staphoccocus Accorus ... or some spelling like that ... basically means the patient had a very determined germ (or micro-organism) on their body which they can pass to you if you are not wearing PPE (personal protective equipment) e.g. gloves, & gown ... so yes, since i am not allowed to take the BSL machine into the patient's room ... MRSA can survive on non-living things like plastic etc. ... I had to keep going out & getting new strips & needles for the patient's BSL ... taking off my PPE & getting new PPE each time I left & reentered the room!!! Bloody hell! So annoyed!!
7) There were at least 3 IVs which got air in them ... this is really annoying ... you either have to get a syringe and aspirate the air out ... but that's only really good if you know what you are doing (I keep having trouble with the claps ... would forget there was 3 & do you have any idea how hard it is to aspirate air when you have locked the tubing?!) or you can disconnect it from the patient (one patient was ready to kill me when I tried this b/c it hurt so much .. hint: it shouldn't/doesn't hurt at all ... but her cannula was placed in a difficult vein at a difficult angle ... so, yep, not good at all). Both of these options I had difficulties with & needed to seek out help ... and then the last one, I actually broke the line (it goes through a hollow cylinder called a burette which you can squeeze to speed up the amount coming into the burette ... see, you can put an additive e.g. Antibiotics into the burette & cap off the the normal fluids e.g. Normal Saline to keep the vein open & when the additive has finished going through, you just uncap the burette & the normal fluids go in. But the buretter had emptied completely ... it is better to have a small amount of fluid in the burette so you don't get air in the line (air in the veins is NOT a good idea!) ... so I was trying to fill the burette up by squeezing ... well, I have decided that I should stop lifting weights ... because I broke it ... Normal Saline got me square in the face!!! If I wasn't so pissed off, I would have laughed!! And then I had to go & get a new line with a new burette etc. & of course, I grabbed the wrong one & opened it & when I was double checking it with another RN, she realised & I had to throw it out!! What a waste .. just because I wasn't thinking straight!! Pissed off at me now!!
8) Also, when the teamleader did my meds, she FORGOT to tell me that she had changed one med to be given instead of at midnight, that it should be given at 10pm ... much better for the patient but she didn't tell me ... I could have finished my shift & not given the gentleman his meds & nightshift staff wouldn't have given it ... b/c who would know that maybe I gave it & just forgot to sign for it!! Bloody hell!! :(
9) And one of the IV patients needed so much reasurance re: her IV .. she was the one who was in pain ... she didn't understand it no matter how many times different staff tried to explain it to her ... in the end, due to her pain, we ordered for the night doctor to reinsert her cannola on the other arm ... but while we were waiting for the doctor to come up, she said that her arm was fine now & as long as we didn't actually touch her hand, she could have her IV running ... so, fine, we put it back on ... it is due for a resite anyway tomorrow ... (the hospital's policy: cannulas have to be changed every 3 days ... risk of infection etc.) But man, that woman was so time consuming!! :(
10) One good thing was I did my handover in time & I did my notes okay ... I didn't ahve any PACs which helped so bloody much!! But I finished all my work 15mins b4 having to go home!! But I had to copy down the new roster ... & I was just saying goodbye to the bloody stupid f***wit of a teamleader, when the bloody stupid f***wit phone rang. Now, I understand that it is the end of the shift but honestly, it is part of her job to be sitting at the desk & answer the phone. But we are part of a team, right? right? So, when she hashly said "ANSWER THE PHONE" ... I thought, on one hand: "Screw u, bitch" & on the other hand: "well, if I can get along with this woman, then working on this ward will be much better" so I answered it.
Let's just say that answering that phone was the straw that broke the camel's back. EC (Emergency Care) was overflowing & knew we had an empty bed so wanted to know if we were ready for a this patient ... I had idea ... my life for the past 8 hours had surround 7 patients, not the entire f***ing ward!! But of course, when I asked the team leader & the new team leader (who was NOT any better!), all they said was No!! that nurse hasn't started yet. That of course, was not what the EC nurse wanted to hear ... she wanted to know when the nurse started ... um, I ahve no idea ... I don't know the night duty timetables ... so I had to ask that & basically I had a nurse on one end demanding a bed & two nurses on the other side taking no notice of me trying to get their attention ... when they finally did talk to me, they said that EC would just have to wait till 11pm when the third RN started for the night ... by this time the EC nurse was pissed and just said blutly that she was calling the supervisor and hang up ... & then the 2 RNs LAUGHED AT ME!!! I relayed the message & then they got all shitty b/c the EC RN had given attitude & how I had to learn to put my foot down & stand up to EC etc. WELL, I BLOODY WELLL WOULD HAVE IF I HAD ANY IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON!!! I have not been answering phones all night & have not been keeping an eye on the whole ward this shift ... that is not MY FUCKING job!! So, when the team leader make some comment how I did okay throughout this shift as I was walking off the ward, it was all I could do not to give her the finger.
It is 1.5hrs later & I am still really really angry & pissed off!! I do not want to go back. I want to quit. I want to leave & never come back!!
But unfortuately, I have to go back tomorrow and the next ... and i have to learn how to swim or else I am going to drown. That is certain.
So, please, enjoy the butterflies and rainbows, the clouds, the friends, the flowers & walks for me while I try and finish my sentence of nursing.
I know it will get better & the first 3 months are really really hard but it is all I can do to just make it through one day at a time!!
But, unfortuately, life is moving along so fast that I have to just try to keep up. And since most of my close friends are not actually near me for me to rant about my day, this blog is my only outlet ... so, as you can guess ... I had a shitty day!
The past two days I have had afternoon shifts on my level ... all my 5 shifts of orientation were in the morning & I had a RN to ask if I had trouble ... now, I have a full patient load (5), it's in the evening, I have no RN to ask & I have just got back from a 4 day w/e ... enough time to forget everything I learnt in orientation! Yep, I am barely keeping up.
Last night wasn't too bad ... I had a pretty heavy load ... only had 4 pts but 3 of them were heavy needing PAC (pressure area care) throughout the shift ... throw in that I don't know the afternoon staff that well & I had forgotten what I had learnt the week prior re: IVs etc. it was a bit of a rollarcoaster of a shift ... but I did get out just on 10:30pm ...(the time my shift finished!) This I had to be thankful for!
And then I got this feeling of false security b/c I started to think that this shift this afternoon would be better ... I would get my timing better & be able to do handover sooner & I know these patients etc.
HELL NO!!!
Instead of 5, I got 7 new ones!!! Let's just say, I HATED THIS SHIFT!!!! WITH A HUGE PASSION!!! Swearing under my breath for most of it, actually!
Oh, the patients were lovely ... isn't it always the way? ... the staff could go to hell & I would not miss them, would sent a reference to Satan & would throw a party to celebrate!! :D Complete with a thankyou card to Satan!
1) In handover the teamleader (a rough, tough woman) would stop the handover tape every 5 mins or so & make fun of the efforts of my fellow New Grads handover recording from the morning shift (yes, I am the only New Grad on in the afternoon ... & yes, I was incredibly pissed at her for doing this)
2) Then we lost a nurse so I got 7 pts! But thankfully, we got an assistant ... one I knew ... but I did have to share her with the rest of the ward (total of 33 patients) so yeah, it was nice to have a friend but really, everyone else's patients were much heavier than mine so yep, she did feel bad for not being able to help me much but in the end, she did help (emotionally) more than anyone else ... and that I am so thankful for.
3) Then when I went on my tea break, one of my patients was randomly transferred to another level ... the team leader had no idea why but she was in charge of them while I was gone ... but of course, I had to run up & give a handover & do his notes!!!
4) Then I had a discharge ... I was told that everything was ready for her to go ... but I was so crazy trying to figure out everything ... I hadn't actually worked out if all her paperwork had been done etc. A few heartstopping moments there when the transport came to take her away! :p But at least, I was down to 5 pts!
5) When I was at tea, the teamleader did my meds ... when she told me about them ... she told me that it would never happen again ... & it can be tough being a New Grad but save the tears for after the shift. That statement alone almost brought me close to tears when prior to that, I had been fine ... apart from the occasional swearing internally.
6) A Dr came & asked me to help him do a BSL (Blood Sugar Level) on a patient ... I thought, even tho he isn't my patient ... the other nurse is busy and nurse has helped me out so much, the least I can do is do this BSL (they normaly take 2 secs) ... well, of course, this pt's skin was so tough, it took 3 times ... and the pt had MRSA (Multi-Resistant Staphoccocus Accorus ... or some spelling like that ... basically means the patient had a very determined germ (or micro-organism) on their body which they can pass to you if you are not wearing PPE (personal protective equipment) e.g. gloves, & gown ... so yes, since i am not allowed to take the BSL machine into the patient's room ... MRSA can survive on non-living things like plastic etc. ... I had to keep going out & getting new strips & needles for the patient's BSL ... taking off my PPE & getting new PPE each time I left & reentered the room!!! Bloody hell! So annoyed!!
7) There were at least 3 IVs which got air in them ... this is really annoying ... you either have to get a syringe and aspirate the air out ... but that's only really good if you know what you are doing (I keep having trouble with the claps ... would forget there was 3 & do you have any idea how hard it is to aspirate air when you have locked the tubing?!) or you can disconnect it from the patient (one patient was ready to kill me when I tried this b/c it hurt so much .. hint: it shouldn't/doesn't hurt at all ... but her cannula was placed in a difficult vein at a difficult angle ... so, yep, not good at all). Both of these options I had difficulties with & needed to seek out help ... and then the last one, I actually broke the line (it goes through a hollow cylinder called a burette which you can squeeze to speed up the amount coming into the burette ... see, you can put an additive e.g. Antibiotics into the burette & cap off the the normal fluids e.g. Normal Saline to keep the vein open & when the additive has finished going through, you just uncap the burette & the normal fluids go in. But the buretter had emptied completely ... it is better to have a small amount of fluid in the burette so you don't get air in the line (air in the veins is NOT a good idea!) ... so I was trying to fill the burette up by squeezing ... well, I have decided that I should stop lifting weights ... because I broke it ... Normal Saline got me square in the face!!! If I wasn't so pissed off, I would have laughed!! And then I had to go & get a new line with a new burette etc. & of course, I grabbed the wrong one & opened it & when I was double checking it with another RN, she realised & I had to throw it out!! What a waste .. just because I wasn't thinking straight!! Pissed off at me now!!
8) Also, when the teamleader did my meds, she FORGOT to tell me that she had changed one med to be given instead of at midnight, that it should be given at 10pm ... much better for the patient but she didn't tell me ... I could have finished my shift & not given the gentleman his meds & nightshift staff wouldn't have given it ... b/c who would know that maybe I gave it & just forgot to sign for it!! Bloody hell!! :(
9) And one of the IV patients needed so much reasurance re: her IV .. she was the one who was in pain ... she didn't understand it no matter how many times different staff tried to explain it to her ... in the end, due to her pain, we ordered for the night doctor to reinsert her cannola on the other arm ... but while we were waiting for the doctor to come up, she said that her arm was fine now & as long as we didn't actually touch her hand, she could have her IV running ... so, fine, we put it back on ... it is due for a resite anyway tomorrow ... (the hospital's policy: cannulas have to be changed every 3 days ... risk of infection etc.) But man, that woman was so time consuming!! :(
10) One good thing was I did my handover in time & I did my notes okay ... I didn't ahve any PACs which helped so bloody much!! But I finished all my work 15mins b4 having to go home!! But I had to copy down the new roster ... & I was just saying goodbye to the bloody stupid f***wit of a teamleader, when the bloody stupid f***wit phone rang. Now, I understand that it is the end of the shift but honestly, it is part of her job to be sitting at the desk & answer the phone. But we are part of a team, right? right? So, when she hashly said "ANSWER THE PHONE" ... I thought, on one hand: "Screw u, bitch" & on the other hand: "well, if I can get along with this woman, then working on this ward will be much better" so I answered it.
Let's just say that answering that phone was the straw that broke the camel's back. EC (Emergency Care) was overflowing & knew we had an empty bed so wanted to know if we were ready for a this patient ... I had idea ... my life for the past 8 hours had surround 7 patients, not the entire f***ing ward!! But of course, when I asked the team leader & the new team leader (who was NOT any better!), all they said was No!! that nurse hasn't started yet. That of course, was not what the EC nurse wanted to hear ... she wanted to know when the nurse started ... um, I ahve no idea ... I don't know the night duty timetables ... so I had to ask that & basically I had a nurse on one end demanding a bed & two nurses on the other side taking no notice of me trying to get their attention ... when they finally did talk to me, they said that EC would just have to wait till 11pm when the third RN started for the night ... by this time the EC nurse was pissed and just said blutly that she was calling the supervisor and hang up ... & then the 2 RNs LAUGHED AT ME!!! I relayed the message & then they got all shitty b/c the EC RN had given attitude & how I had to learn to put my foot down & stand up to EC etc. WELL, I BLOODY WELLL WOULD HAVE IF I HAD ANY IDEA WHAT WAS GOING ON!!! I have not been answering phones all night & have not been keeping an eye on the whole ward this shift ... that is not MY FUCKING job!! So, when the team leader make some comment how I did okay throughout this shift as I was walking off the ward, it was all I could do not to give her the finger.
It is 1.5hrs later & I am still really really angry & pissed off!! I do not want to go back. I want to quit. I want to leave & never come back!!
But unfortuately, I have to go back tomorrow and the next ... and i have to learn how to swim or else I am going to drown. That is certain.
So, please, enjoy the butterflies and rainbows, the clouds, the friends, the flowers & walks for me while I try and finish my sentence of nursing.
I know it will get better & the first 3 months are really really hard but it is all I can do to just make it through one day at a time!!
posted by blue nurse | 4:40 AM
2 Comments:
hang in there, shaz. you'll learn to swim and when you become the most amazing nurse ever, you'll be a whole heap of a lot nicer to the nubies. maybe screw with them a little, but over all, a whole heap of a lot nicer. thinkin of you.
Thanks, Becky! That was def. a terrible shift & one that I never want to impose upon another nurse! I actually had to work with that team leader again tonight & she was a bit better but hopefully tomorrow morning (which are 10x craziner!!) will go ok! Fingers crossed! Thanks so much for thinking of me ... it means a lot 2 me!! Love ya, girl!! :D
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